"I can't, I've got a cat on me"

When a leisure-time need arises, like adjusting the television volume or fetching something from the kitchen, the task inevitably befalls the person whose lap is not occupied by cat.

We should probably get out more, huh.

should I even post this? I am wondering to myself.

Mother's Day was hard on me this year. All I wanted, silly as it is, was for somebody to say "Happy Mother's Day!" to me. I totally understand why a stranger would look at me, twenty-two and sans-child, and not think to wish me well that day. It just made me a little bitter to see all the universe wishing mamas well whose primary merit (among many) is that her child didn't die. I know there's more to it than that, and I know I'm being terribly ungracious, and I know that moms are amazing and special and should be celebrated (mine especially! and Dan's mom!). Feel free to send me a "You don't know what it's like!" rant mail, I deserve it. It just hurt my feelings that seemingly none of the love I have for my baby seems to count for anything, on Mother's Day or any other day.

Though I can't say Sunday was all bad news. I woke up to a vase of chrysanthemums and a handwritten poem from Daniel (in iambic quadrameter, I am informed). As crusty as I was feeling toward the world that day, he made sure I felt loved and cherished and appreciated as a mother. My husband is golden. I am endlessly grateful for him.

public service announcement!

Depending on your level of caring (I have appropriately low expectations about this), you maybe noticed that this blog has become more quiet or unusually contemplative lately. The past few months, I had gotten caught in a sudden depression that came out of nowhere. To feel so beat down and so anxious and so full of dread for no reason was a sensation I had never known before, and I had no idea how to fight it. It wasn't that there weren't moments of happiness in there, but my mental equilibrium had abruptly downshifted from singsongy optimism to a state where I was just sobbing all the time. And I'd spent super crazy energy attempting to diagnose the crap out of all that unhappiness (to no avail).

One day it occurred to me that I started feeling terrible about my entire life around the very same time I started taking a new medication. Hmmm.

After so many weeks investigating my life/psyche to answer a huge question "Why am I so unhappy?", it's a weird sensation to run a quick Google search, and there it is! Turns out, the reason for all the sad nonsense wasn't because my life was junk or that I had become too pessimistic; it was just a side-effect of some pills I was on. Dudes, drugs are powerful! Just flinging a few hormones around totally altered my perspective on life!

I've since dropped that prescription like a hot, sad potato so I can finally feel like myself again. And I want to run through the streets to tell everyone to take care of yourselves: be careful of any meds that might mess you up, and on the flip-side, definitely look into anti-depressants if you need to! I consider myself lucky to have only been down a few months, and I wish for every depressed person to have the swiftest, happiest resolution possible. Seriously! GET HELP if you need it! I cannot emphasize this enough.

Things are getting back to the irrationally happy status quo. It's terribly exciting! And the fact that I'm getting excited about things again is exciting! It's a good spring.

happy thursday!

After a day of avoiding murderers in the 'hood (I can always depend on my mother to call about such things) and unfortunately not avoiding a gnarly bladder infection, this is where we ended up. On the couch. Somewhere along the line I'd snapped this one frame without even looking at the camera, but this moment, right here, is just grossly, perfectly ours.

I'm in my favorite ballerina socks and my slouchiest (comfiest) sweats. And then there's Daniel, who tolerates my couch-hoarding shenanigans, even though I take up the whole thing and sprawl across his lap every time. He's a good egg, to be sure (and he even let me buy TWO chocolate bars at the pharmacy! hubba hubba).

I'm just lucky, is all.

random thoughts, and grilla time!

So, last Friday it was snowing, and yesterday we were in shorts and sandals.
Wisconsin, huh.

We threw a frisbee in the park and sat in the green grass and watched the ants and ate some brat burgers (again: we live in Wisconsin). I also read the entire third book in the Hunger Games series, and I'm still kinda WHAT THE HECK. Daniel is catching up, so I can't give away things (except that I feel like the last paragraph kind of redeems the rest of the book a bit?) (maybe that's just me).

Next week is my LAST WEEK OF COLLEGE! And then? Who knows!

(PS: on Saturday it was my mom's birthday, and also Jenna-Louise Coleman's. Happy birthday, Mom and Jenna-Louise Coleman!)